Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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