a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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