We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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