Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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