i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
