What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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