I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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