It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I think your dad took our porno
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
