Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
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