There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
