we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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