I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
