i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
she looked like the before picture.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
