Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
