I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
