oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize