Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
