Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
