i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
