i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
