you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
my being single is dangerous.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
