Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
