4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize