Pappa wants mamma naked
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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