If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
