you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
