You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
