Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
