Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize