I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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