At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Randomize