dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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