If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
