I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
