i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
