"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
