i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
