I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
