Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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