Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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