I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
