The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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