I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
