Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
