I feel like abortions should bother me more
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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