All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Randomize
