Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
