I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
