I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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