Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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