Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
