Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
