She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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