my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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