Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
