We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
