Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
