Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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