I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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