the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
