Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
