please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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