Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
