I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
His hands were made for my vagina.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
