I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
