you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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