we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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