he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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