4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
