Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
