theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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