bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
