I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
