What did we do last night that was yellow?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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