It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
