this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
