Ambien. No doubt about it.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
