Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
