He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
