well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Let's get the cat blown out
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
