To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
