Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
