Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
