When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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