I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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