Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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