You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
