shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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