Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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