They should really pass out barf bags in church
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
