Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
smell my finger.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
