For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
