i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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