i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
