I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
