Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
