Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
