Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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